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Discussing the Diaspora as seen through an internal Black lens
ABC: The Latest To Venture Into Why Black Women Aren’t Married Pt2
January 1st, 2010
This is my second installment about the Night Line piece.
The title and tag line of the piece read: Single, Black, Female — and Plenty of Company - A High Proportion of Black Women Have Never Married; Four Friends Talk With Steve Harvey About It.
Usually I stay out of these discussion, first, because of the repetition of them makes them cliché caricatures of actual genuine and thoughtful investigation; but mostly because they’re never thoughtful to begin. They’re always trite, shallow and wrought with ridiculous stereotyping. Next, because the mainstream media treatment of anything black or cross racial is always simplistically and insultingly done. The final reason’s because people don’t want to hear the truth, so I just avoid the argument.
But here goes:
In my first comment on ABC’s segment I pointed out their mathematically inaccurate and highly misleading use of statistics to create a false notion of half of Black male-ship being inadequate marriage material, especially for successful and professional black females.
ABC’s horrendously bad math wasn’t the only issue of scarcity they tried to raise; the other was Black women out numbering black men by 1.8 million. While that is a large number in a general sense, it’s a rather small percentage considering that there are some 40 million Black people in America; and a red herring since women out number men across racial lines, period.
Moving past the scarcity issue to the next – I think many black women don’t get married simply cause they don’t want to.
They may be interested in the ideal, and would do so under some amazingly idyllic circumstances, but in practicality it’s not something they really covet.
A sense of independence rules the day. Many late 20s and 30 something Black females that I know believe the institution of marriage to not be much more than something beneficial for financial support, which these women don’t need; or its just a trap for men to control them, which they don’t want. Some will out right admit this, while others hide behind excuses why they don’t get married by making up ridiculous standards which men can hardly hoped to meet.
Which brings me to my next point – setting the bar out of reach
You’ve got a woman on this program talking about until now, in her mid 30s, she wouldn’t date a man shorter than 6’5. She cuts out over 95% of the entire male population off the top, before hello. Then so many black women (and women in general) have a fairy tale notion of landing some Sensitive Thug/Caring Bad Boy. But the reality is that the bad boy isn’t going to be that sensitive, and the caring guying isn’t thuggin. That’s usually coupled with some arbitrary level of income and or education.
The education thing is usually codified into the phrase “being on my level”; which by and large is really a cover phrase for ‘I want money’; because the same female who won’t consider the decent, hard working blue collar guy who doesn’t have the high education credentials to match hers will without hesitation date an uneducated million dollar athlete, or even a never attended college 100,000 dollar a year self made business man. They don’t care whether his money was attained via education or not, the bottom line is money. Money takes precedent over the character, quality, and personal attributes of the people they chose to date; and the men they date know this, and most are no more interested in being tied down to these women, than these women are to Joe the mechanic.
These women think they’re going to take some self-absorbed play boy or what have you and turn him into some kind of caring Sir Lancelot that’s going to put her on a pedestal. Nah. You have your suckers, but in general he knows what you’re there for, and he’s just there to get what he wants.
I, as well as a couple of black women I’ve talked to about this in recent days, noticed that these women in the interview, as is the case with many I’ve heard from over the years; base mating on criteria lists – lists which only have to do with height, build, income, and social status. There’s little to nothing about the quality of the person, his values, interest, demeanor, how he treats people; whether he’s well centered, responsible, giving. Nope, it’s all about surface stats on a piece of paper.
A final note: There are plenty of shitty Black men, those unwilling to commit; those playing the field to their later days; and those otherwise not prepared to make a good husband, wherewith women do well to pass on them.
Likewise though, all the academic and career achievement neither makes these women anything any man wants to rush to marry. Women should be independent and able to do for themselves, but when independence is manifested as I don’t need you, most men will take that to heart and respond accordingly. Many Black women in our current age have also taken being strong to mean being belligerent and aggressive. No decent brother in his right mind is going to live with being belittled and berated. And as for the notion that women should seek out white men for mating, got news for you sister, 90% of white men ain’t going to put up with that crap either. Why would they, they’ve got other choices? And out of the 10% who would, who says they’re interested in black women; or that they them selves are worth a damn.
Everybody can date who they want, but you might consider looking at yourself for character flaws, and flaws in what you prioritize in the men you chose to date.
All of a woman’s credentials and beauty are not going to make men interested in an invested life with them if they’re petty, shallow, and acerbic like too many I know who think they’re great catches.
Whoa, that was a lot. And I still didn’t get to qualify and detail my points the way I would like. Anyway, that’s my 2 cents.
posted in Cultural, Socio-Economic | | | View blog reactions |
4 Responses to “ABC: The Latest To Venture Into Why Black Women Aren’t Married Pt2”
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Yobachi Boswell is creator and publisher of BlackPerspecitve.net. I’m a writer, activist and political watcher based in Nashville, Tennessee. I’ve also been know to do some spoken word and MCing in my day.
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LOL
Yes, it was alot. And I agree with almost all of it. Whoa! That’s a first?
Anyway, I can tell you how I know most of these women that are interviewed are simple-minded: they are listening to Steve friggin Harvey. That qualifies you as too stupid to mate in my book
LOL, you’re the second person to take issue with Harvey.
[...] also seems to agree with a position I have long pointed out, and noted in this piece, where a swath of black women have confused strength with aggressiveness and [...]
[...] If time permits, I’ll do a piece on the issue of the article. Did the part 2. [...]